Trying time

In my 33 years of living, today would be one of those days where reminding myself to make full use of Habit 1, is the only thing that I can do in order to keep sane.

Last month, I changed my career of 10 years and uprooted my family to a new country. It's been a month; my hubby hates his new job, the kids hate their new school, teachers and friends. Sadly, I have to say the same about my new environment too.

It's easy to fall into all habits and blame everything but at the same time I cannot afford to sulk into self-condemning of making this decision. I have made my decision, considering all risks and possibilities, and I have to be responsible for its outcome; both good and bad. My biggest hurdle is to be a cheerleader to hubby & my children when things are going tough for them; while I myself need the most cheerleading and support. And I have no one but myself to turn to.

At times like this, I remind myself of Viktor Frankl. No matter how hard my obstacle see to be, they are miniscule compared to what Victor had to endure. I am using the same techniques, taking these circumstances as mere journey to take myself and my family to a higher place. It is just a matter of time before everything will fall into place. I will just have to concentrate on my circle of influence and take one day at a time, with the end in mind.

When an adult is a child, and a child is an adult

Sept 13th 2007 was the first day of Ramadhan for muslims. That's when we abstain ourselves from eating, drinking and practice patience. My 7 y.o son decided to fast for the whole month, since last year he could only manage a few days.

Hubby and I are glad though skeptical. This is his first year in real school, with bag almost heavier than himself. He goes to afternoon session, which will make it even harder with the heat and all. But we encourage him and give him money to spare in case he decided to break his fast at school.

It rained heavily that day, muddy water everywhere. Underestimate the potential heavy traffic, we arrived late at his school. On the way there, hubby was cursing at people cutting queues, honking at motorbikes, along with whining and grumbling.

When we arrived, I saw my son standing under the shed, soaking wet (rain came sideways with the heavy wind), standing (all seats were wet), with his heavy bag on his shoulders. He saw me and beamed with a smile. We had to go thru puddle of water, which soaked his shoes and lower part of his pants. Ho proudly told us that he is still fasting despite his ordeal of the day. He had to restrain himself when his fellow classmate drinked juice in front of him. Some boys were trying to be funny by teasing him with ice cream. What a day!

Yet, he managed to smile when he saw me. We his parents, spend hours in an air-conditinoed office, no one taunting us with ice cream, we were'nt require dto lift any heavy things...yet fail to be patient on the road. Cursing, honking, ... a smile? A definite luxury.

My son obviously had used the space between his stimulus and chose an appropriate response. Being proactive, my son managed to ignore the circle of concern (inconsiderate friends, weather, etc) to achieve his end in mind (complete his fasting).

It really amazes me that a child can become so mature, yet we the parents who have attended 7 Habits, failed to make full use of the space between stimulus and response, we quickly succumbed back to our autobiographical response and focus on our Circle of Concern. Sometimes, a child can be so adult and adult can be so childish.

Mission Completion

I apologize for not posting lately. Been occupied with work and other matters. But that is not an excuse. This blog is also a 'Big rock' to me, hence I need to discipline myself to update it regularly.

Yeehaw!! Finally I have completed my sharing session with my colleagues on all 7 Habits. Last Wednesday was our last session and we had a small party to celebrate. They treat me lunch (Thanks so much guys!) and I am so glad I managed to finish it and hopefully some (if not all) would be inspired to live the habits.

Would I do it again? Yes, I would. Would I do it differently? Not too sure, but there were some sessions where I think I could improve.

To all, wish you all the best in trying to live the habits. Remember, old habits will pull you down like gravity. The focus is on the journey, not the destination.

Habit 3: Put 1st Things 1st

YES! I am back! I just finished this week's sharing session with my team, Habit 3: Put first things first. And I personally feel I did great; I delivered the points Dr.Covey conveyed in his audio CD, books & training - all in an hour!

What makes the difference this time, I think it's the fuel - the audience. I failed them, during the last session (Habit 2) when my mind was distracted by personal matters. I had to cancel last week's session since I wasn't ready and was afraid of another dissapoitnment. But I managed to get up and start walking again. I was surprised when only 2 people didn't make it this time; the room was still full of eager learners, who apparently still have faith in my ability. I am deeply honoured by their faith in me, and still giving me the oppurtunity to share with them what I've learned from Dr.Covey.

Today, we shared the following:

Day 3:
• See-Do-Get
• Big Rocks
• Compass vs. Clock
• Time Management Matrix
• “How to keep little things, little?”
• How To Plan the Week
• Challenge of the week

It's hard to keep going, when old habits & excuses pull you like gravity. It's easier for me to give up and call it quit, but I am not a quitter. And apparently neither do my friends. Right after the session, I watched a very inspiring video call 212 degree (http://www.212movie.com). I am even more confident now that I cannot stop since I have 12 people counting on me to share the wisdom of Dr.Covey's teaching.

I am so glad to discover that the fuel that keep me going, are not praises, acknowledgement or monetary gain. But seeing the faith & trust, my fellow friends had in me ignite the fire within, and I don't want it to fade away.

It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life...we can never help another, without helping ourselves.

Group 1, Day 3, Habit 2

I must say I am not elated after finishing my Habit 2: Begin with End in Mind with my group this week. I was not myself, my mind was distracted. The flow wasn't smooth, I wasn't prepared.

I guess the main reason is because I am lost, myself. How can a blind leading the blind? But there's no excuse for a shaddy performance. I knew I could do better, but I let stimulus gets the best of me.

I must quickly buck up, since I have lots of friends depends on me. More so, I don't want them to underestimate the learning value of what Dr.Covey had so perfectly achieved, by my below average teaching. Will use this weekend to find what's wrong and fix it!

Team,

I am sorry, will do better next time.

My Catalyst

I recently had a very nice surprise; a gift from Franklin Covey Malaysia - a book called "Everyday Greatness". I can't describe the feeling when I receive the book, it made me feel so valued and recognised. Though I haven't really accomplish anything spectacular, they acknowledge my effort and willing to help in my stuggle. I feel so blessed and full of gratitude for these strangers who barely know me, but are willing to help me out. That was a great day for me.

I haven't got the chance to read all of the wonderful, inspiring stories in the book. But once I do, I will try to share it in this blog so that we all can spread the greatness of living and being. Sometimes we thought we need to do big, enormous effort to touch life of others. But in actual fact, it's the little things that we do, sometimes have a big impact in so many ways.

This gift helped me in so many ways. It inspires me to keep on going, no matter how slow or painful. It is a prove that there are still good in this world despite of what we read in the paper everyday. In a way, it helps me realize my personal legend, and hopefully to pursuit it too.

Thank you Linda, Kim, Zainal for this catalyst.

Dealing With Demotivated Supplier

Lunch time today, I met up with 4 other colleagues, my Table Group members from the 7 Habits training. This is our first meet up since the workshop 2 weeks ago. Of the many stories we shared, this one really a true example how 7 Habits can help making our lives better.

LHC, is an R&D Engineering Manager who is responsible for field issues. As one can imagine, the huge pressure on his shoulder, having to solve problems for customers almost the minute he receives any bad news. Last week, LHC needed to go to a supplier in China and solve a critical engineering issue believed to be originating from the supplier's process.

Now here is the problem; it was a known fact that this supplier will be soon strike out from our company's approved vendor list due to stiff competition. We know that for a fact, and so does the supplier. Since the news made known to the them, it is of no surprise that suppport and cooperation from the supplier had been close to none. Now, how is LHC supposed to solve this problem effectively & efficiently, when obviously his visit will not be welcomed with red carpet? Thank goodness he just completed the 3-day 7 Habits Signature program which taught him valuable techniques to turn such sour situation into a sweeter experience.

From what I gather, LHC started his conversation with the suppliers by doing a lot of emphatic listening, seeking to understand first, then only to be understood (H5). Once satisfied that they are on the same page, LHC shared his side of the story, on the need to solve the problem prompto since customers are waiting. Only when both sides seem to understand each other's objectives (H4 Think Win-Win), the high walls that once once between them seemed to collapse and replaced with a bridge of trust. From the kind of words LHC shared with me, I sensed that the suppliers' emotional bank account had been increased. While figuring out a way to solve the issue, both parties were more open, less defensive, and with the same end in mind (H2) - This problem needs to be solve since in the end we need to earn our customer's business & trust.

I was so pleased that everything turned out so well, and what's more seeing the spark in LHC's eyes during his story-telling. He was so excited and proud on how he had managed the situation so well with the help of 7 Habits. The 3-day workshop was time well spent, for sure!

Group 1, Day 2, Habit 1

The return rate of the participation of my sharing session is not that bad, only 1 drop-out from the Day1 session. I am thankful for these 7 colleagues of mine who sacrificed their lunch-hour to hear my humble public speaking skill.

We started the session with a sharing of experience. One friend shared a difficult time he's having with an inconsiderate colleague he called 'monster'. I tried practice emphatic listening, but I think I failed miserably! We exchanged stories about how should one handle people who don't seem to be interested to seek win-win. It's either their way, or the highway kinda guy. Since no solution from the discussion, I suggested to go thru the lesson from Habit 1 to see if we can figure out a way to address such situation proactively.

Below are what we've covered today:

Habit 1: Be Proactive

• Common human challenge we can address with Habit 1
• See-Do-Get
• Forest Gump vs. Lt. Dan Taylor
• Victor E. Frankl
• “How to be proactive?”
- Choose proactive response
- Use proactive language
- Expand your Circle of Influence
- Becoming the transition person
• Review See-Do-Get
• Challenge of the week (from the 7 Habit book)

During my preparation for the sharing session, there's only one image that kept up creeping up in my head when I read about being proactive, the habit of choice - Forest Gump. He may have an IQ of 75, but he sure is a lot wiser about life compared to Lt. Dan Taylor. He seems to be able to separate himself (more subconsciously than consciously, I guess) from his genetic make-up, his surroundings, his circumstances. Lt.Dan was bitter and sour and blame it on God for not killing him in Vietnam, yet too coward to end his own life. In a weird way, Lt.Dan learns to pick up and find himself back with the help of a 'stupid' guy like Forest. I guess, stupid is stupid does. I couldn't help to relate the two main characters in the movie to illustrate the opposite of proactiveness & reactiveness. I sure hope my fellow friends could grasp my intention.

I now realized how much I idolize Forest's mum. I wish I can manage raise such challenging child into a well-grown, fine adult like Forest. She truly is a lot of woman.

Group 1, Day 1

Today is the day that I start my sharing session with my closest colleagues. Was very apprehensive at first, not knowing what to expect.

The turn out was beyond my expectation; 5 people (out of 10 who accepted the invitation). I think I did okay, could improve on both the delivery & content. But I did learn more and convinced myself even more about the effectiveness of the teaching of 7 Habits. Below are the items that I shared during the 1.5 hour meeting:

Day 1:
“What is a habit, anyway?”
“Why do I need to change my habit?”
- Common human challenges
- Our comfort zone
- Cultural Tendencies vs. Principles
- How it all started
- Outward success vs. Inward success
- Primary vs. Secondary greatness
- P/PC Balance
“So, what is 7 Habits all about?”
- Maturity Continuum
- The power of paradigm

The team decided to meet up on weekly basis to go thru each habit one by one. We will start each sharing with a 20 min sharing session of struggle & success stories of trying the principles. Then I will spend the next 30 minutes sharing the following habit. We'll close the session with a new challange for the new habit we're learning.

To be completely honest, I am not too sure how this sharing session will sustain. In the end, if I can only catch one person and help him/her to internalize any of the 7 Habits, then I've achieved my goal. Since while preparing all these, I have truly gain a lot more insight and motivation to really live by the principles and realize my Mission Statement. In the end, I merely help myself more when I help others.

To the participants, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

Our Family Mission Statement

I shared my experience of writing a mission statement with my 6 year old son. To give him an idea of what it's all about, I suggest we write one for our family. We came up with a few ideas, of course I had to cross out most of his suggestions (one of which was "To be allowed to play PS2 all day") and in the end, we came up with this:

• To learn, love & laugh together EVERYDAY


• To use MAGIC words (Please, Thank you & I'm Sorry) generously


• To fill a NEED, when there's a need

My son said it's a piece of cake for the first 2 missions, but having trouble with mission 3. I borrowed that phrase from "The Robots" movie where Mr.Bigweld uses it to encourage fellow robots to be inventive (find a problem and create a solution for it). So I guess my son was afraid that he might need to invent a new thing to help others. I told him he need not be afraid to fill in a big need. Showed him some examples of how he can in fact fill a need without an invention. For example, offer to help carry things for others, or help by playing with his little sis to keep her occupied while mummy is cooking, or help close the window when it gets too chilly. He was less apprehansive once I shared all these kind of small things he can do, to fill a need. No fancy invention is needed. Immediately he agreed, and put his signature & tumbprint of the printout of our Family Mission Statement.

Another wonderful thing is that, everynight before the children go to bed, they make a check on all three missions, whether or not each of us have fullfill them. Once everybody have shared how they fullfilled each mission for the day, we all feel very proud of ourselves and declared it a day. That's when the kids will pull over their blanket and sleep. Isn't that wonderful? And yes, we had to use the Talking Stick to give each other the chance to share their stories....Thank God I have only 2 children so far!

How It All Started

It's very hard to stay focus on changing old habits. I'm trying hard to find ways to keep on track. I really feel like this tree, trying to strive out of the big rock (old habits). Mother Theresa once said "To keep the lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it." I guess I need to find oil.

I decided to start sharing these stuffs with someone who have interest to change as well. Tried it with my husband, but as usual I failed to catch his interest or attention. Trying to shift my paradigm (by stop blaming him), I guess I should blame it on my approach. But I don't know what approach would be effective. To be safe I better stick to my approach, but with different people. Maybe I'll start with my colleagues. I have sent out an invitation to my closest 10 colleagues for a lunch get-together next week to share what I've learned at 7 Habits. So far all of them accepted, let's see next week how many would actually turn up, and how many would actually value the things I'm about to share.

If that doesn't work either, I guess I better change oil again...

My Kickstart Mission Statement

Mission Statement is a written permission to do what is most IMPORTANT & most EXCITING to YOU, and to do what is MOST YOU. I had trouble writing my Mission Statement, so I decided to try the Mission Builder on FranklinCovey.com. They asked many intermate questions, which you have to answer within a limited time, since we need answers which comes straight from the heart, not the head. There is no wrong or right answer since everyone is build with diferrent sets of value and priorities.

One of the questions really hit me big. I put on Tchaikovsky piece "A time for us" (click above) to avoid the distraction from surrounding. The questions asked "When was the last time you were happy and excited about what you were doing. Describe where, what and who was there with you". My autobiographical response to this question was " I was backhome at my parents' place. There were mom, dad, my kids, my hubby, my brothers & their families. We were in the garden, fooling around, doing nothing particularly important.I remember laughing till my belly hurt to the joke dad was making with his grandchildren"

It hit me that no material possesion was in that picture - not my dream bungalow, no fancy car, no mention of how much I earn, what position I hold in a company. Just surrounded by people I hold close to my heart, enjoying each other's company.

In the end, I managed to complete my 1st draft of my Kickstart Mission Statement:
> I will honor my commitment in all of my roles
> I will make sure my children help to make the world a better place
> I will make sure my children leave a legacy
> I will learn, re-learn and un-learn daily
> I will have fun in all the things I do
> I will put God first, always
> I will never let anybody take away my freedom of being me
> I will earn teh trust of my loved ones
> I will be responsible for what I do and don't do, for what I say and don't say
> I will pursue my passion wholeheartedly, without holding back
> I will be happy in everything I do
> I will not do unto others, what I don't want to be done to me
> I will try to emulate Ghandi, to the best of my ability

Day 0: The Beginning

I just attended a 3-day seminar on the famous 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, designed by Dr. Stephen Covey. I have never learned so much in 3 days. But completing the program is not the end of the journey, it merely the start.

I decided to write a journal about my journey trying to conquer the 7 habits, as an attempt to

• remind myself of how I started, how I travel and stumble, and hopefully how I succeed
• prevent the internal inferno od passion from burning out
• share with others that might going thru the same thing as I do